[ Whip cracking ]
[ James laughing/sobbing ]
[ Sobbing ]
[ Intro to "fancy" plays ]
♪ First things first, I'm the realest ♪
♪ drop this and let the whole world feel it ♪
♪ let 'em feel it ♪
♪ and I'm still in the murda bizness ♪
♪ I could hold you down like I'm givin' lessons in physics ♪
♪ I'm so fancy ♪
♪ you already know ♪
♪ I'm in the fast Lane ♪
♪ from L.A. to Tokyo ♪
♪ I'm so fancy ♪
♪ can't you taste this gold? ♪
♪ remember my name ♪
♪ 'bout to blow ♪
♪ I said, "baby, I do this, I thought that you knew this" ♪
♪ can't stand no haters and honest, the truth is ♪
[ music fades ]
[ Tranquil music plays ]
[ Groans ]
[ Sighing ]
[ Muffled ] Buenos dias, Cecelio!
[ Sighs ]
[ Funky music plays ]
Sir, I'm just sayin', your ad says, "bad credit, no problem."
So can you define "no problem?"
Because me not gettin' this loan is a problem.
I'm sorry. That's why I'm asking you to...
Sorry, daddy.
That's okay, but that's just nasty.
No, no, no. Not you, sir.
Okay, all right, well, listen to this:
What if I have everything I need except the $30,000?
Keep calm?
Sir. Sir. Can you...?
Ma'am. Okay. I-I couldn't tell.
Aren't you supposed to be a predatory lender?
Then prey on me!
Okay? You're a lion, I'm a gazelle.
Okay, fine. Fine. Do you know what?
I'm puttin' my daughter on the phone
so you can explain to her why she has to go to school
in a gangbanger school district
where they're murdering kids.
Murdering!
Here, you tell her.
Hey, baby, do what I showed you.
Why do you want me to get murdered?
No. [ Sadly ] "Murdered."
Why do you want me to get murdered?"
They hung up.
[ Sighs ] Baby, because you're not doing what I told you to do.
You are sick.
I'm not sick. It's called desperate.
Baby, all we have to do is keep saving.
I just need... I just need some love.
Can you just hug me? Just kiss me?
Mm. Any better? Awkward.
Come on. Get your juice, and your book bag.
I told you to hit the bull's eye.
How hard is it to cry, Makayla?
"Murder. Murder."
All right. Watch out.
Man: Move, old man.
[ Sniffs ] Is that weed?
Hey, I want you to be safe, okay?
Listen to me.
You're not gonna be at this school forever.
Daddy's workin' on it.
I love you.
I love you, too. All right.
Don't worry. Kinda hard not to worry.
You're my daughter.
[ Detector beeps ]
[ Wand warbling ]
[ Bell rings ] Come on, dear.
Hey, watch it!
[ Sighs ] Matter a time.
Matter a time.
I kick, James! Yeah.
Move! Ha!
Ginga!
Hey, babe!
Watch this, honey. Watch this.
[ Grunts ]
Whoo! Look at that kick!
Axé.
Good job, James!
[ Exhales sharply ]
Alissa: You looked good out there, my big strong fiancé.
Jaoa says I need to focus
on bringing my power into the world.
Fuck!
Maybe I can help.
You...
Are a great man, James king.
Do me on the new house.
[ Moans ]
Did it get bigger?
The king needs his castle, James.
So powerful.
So you don't think it's too much house, do you?
[ Both grunt ]
James, seriously?
I mean, you wanna raise a family in this house?
Well, yes.
In this house?
No! No, this... this house is a shithole!
Look...
There's winners and there's losers, James.
It's what drives this country.
All right? People look at what you have...
And they want it.
They want your huge house.
And they want...
Your hot, hot...
Wife.
So hot.
Who's the king? I am.
Are you the king? How much money you gonna make today?
Enough to choke a baby.
That's right.
[ Gasping ]
Yeah, are you a winner?
Yes, I'm a winner. Yeah? Whose tits are these?
They're my tits.
These are the king's tits!
The king's titties. That's right.
Is it a king's dick?
It's... it's slightly above average. Yeah?
You gotta stake your claim, James.
Yes! You gotta stake it!
Stake my... my claim!
[ Whirring ] Oh, come on, baby.
Do me like a billionaire! Oh!
[ Grunts ]
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
[ Clamoring ]
You. You, right there, with the hat.
♪ I got this feeling on the summer day when you were gone ♪
♪ I crashed my car into the bridge ♪
♪ I watched, I let it burn ♪
♪ I threw your shit into a bag ♪
♪ and pushed it down the stairs ♪
♪ I crashed my car into the bridge ♪
♪ I don't care ♪
♪ I love it ♪
♪ I don't care ♪
♪ I got this feeling on the summer day when you were gone ♪
♪ I crashed my car into the bridge ♪
♪ I watched, I let it burn ♪
♪ I threw your shit into a bag and pushed it down the stairs ♪
♪ I crashed my car into the bridge ♪
♪ I don't care ♪
♪ I love it ♪
♪ I don't care ♪
♪ you're on a different road, I'm in the milky way ♪
♪ you want me down on earth, but I am up in space ♪
♪ you're so damn hard to please ♪
♪ we gotta kill this witch ♪
♪ you're from the '70s, but I'm a '90s bitch ♪
♪ I love it ♪
hey, boss man, did ya get that text?
I sent ya a text yesterday.
♪ I got this feeling on the summer day when you were gone ♪
surprise!
The boss is here.
Maybe it's time that we act
like we got work to do.
We got 40 cars and we got eight hours
of the air down here!
James king, Wealthrop funds.
Transfer 100 million from my client accounts.
I'd like to put a buy order on bradway chemical,
up to 7.50.
I've got a good feeling about clean coal.
Clean the roofs, Mike.
You don't think people can see those?
I hired you to do one thing.
That's be tall.
♪ I don't care, I love it ♪
all right, great job.
Hey there, Jamesy, that was quite a ride, man.
That was like third quarter 2012.
It's a real pleasure to watch you work, sir.
Thanks, Leo. Yeah.
How 'bout that, you knew my name!
I love it.
♪ I love it ♪
so I shorted gas and went long on coal.
It wasn't quite the return I was hoping for, but...
James.
You made my company $28 million today. [ Chuckles ]
Now, to celebrate,
I would like to give you an early wedding present...
Partner.
[ Glasses clink ]
[ Exhales ] Sir...
Thank you.
Gayle, a minute.
[ Door opens ]
James, this is the moment when you cross that threshold
and join America's most elite.
Anything you desire, anything you want is yours.
I'm ready for it.
You know, I bought an island in Cape Verde?
An entire island.
You can, too.
I would love to. We could be island neighbors.
[ Laughs ]
You could swim over and borrow a cup of gold.
[ Chuckling ]
[ Both laugh ]
Yeah.
You know, and to think it all started with this.
I still have that computer.
It reminds me...
Of my humble beginnings.
How I built this company with my own two hands.
Just me, that computer...
[ Cries ]
And an $8 million loan from my father.
[ Sighs ]
You really did it all on your own.
Very inspiring, sir.
[ Sniffles ]
Now, listen, I want you to drop this "sir" nonsense.
You are marrying my daughter, for Pete's sake.
[ Laughs ]
I want you to call me "dad."
Really? Dad?
Mm-hmm. [ Chuckles ]
That feels very good.
My... my real father never had time for me.
He shipped me off to boarding school in London
with the Murdochs and the bin ladens.
Of course, that was before...
I mean, we knew they cheated in soccer, but had no idea...
You know...
But if I could choose a dad...
Hey, you know something, you're family now, kid.
[ Chuckles ]
Okay, then.
Oh, boy.
[ Crying ]
Motherfucker.
[ Tires screech in distance ]
Ah! Mr. king.
Take whatever you want!
Please! Oh, it's the hood.
Oh! Hey! It's Darnell.
Help! [ Horn honking ]
No. Stop! Help!
Mr. king! Help!
No! Oh, dear lord. Someone help me!
You're being ridiculous!
Stop! Look at me.
It's me!
I got your keys!
Oh! Yes! I see you.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.
Here you go. [ Sighs ]
I'm sorry. Thank you.
Yeah.
And, just so you know,
I would have done the same thing if you were white.
That's... that's good to know.
Hey, Mr. king.
Um, while I got you out here,
I just wanna... I just wanna talk to you for a second.
I've... I've been washing your car for two years now...
And, I mean, I can tell that you're the type of man
who likes the best of everything.
So as owner and ceo of Hollywood luxury bubbles,
I wanted to offer you
an exclusive platinum lifetime wash card...
For, um, for $30,000.
Now, before you say anything,
think about the type of money that you'll save
with this... with this investment.
Well, actually the time value of money is such that
if I were to put that same amount in my own fund,
in 23 years time, I'd have in excess of $3 million.
Wow. Yeah.
With that rate of return,
I could buy a new car every time it gets dirty.
Isn't that impressive? That's amazing, Mr. king.
You see, I didn't get to the place where I am today
by asking for handouts... But by hard work.
And today, that hard work paid off...
As I was just named partner in my firm.
Mr. king, that is... hey. That is amazing.
Thank you so much.
That is...
Thank you.
That... that's amazing. Mr. king,
we...
you see, everyone, whether we're born rich or poor...
Or white... Or miscellaneous...
Who we become...
Is based on our own decisions.
It's simple as that.
And on that note... No, Mr...
You don't have to give me that much, Mr. king.
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Mr. king, you don't have to give me that much.
Mr. king. Hold on. There we go.
You really don't need...
There you go.
There's a start.
Mr. king, please.
I feel like you just haven't given me...
[ engine turns over ]
Success is a mind-set!
[ Sighs ]
Wow.
[ Classical music plays ]
Hi, everyone!
Together: Hi!
Thank you so much
for celebrating our engagement with us.
James, I love you...
And I can't wait to be married to you.
[ Crowd awws ]
And because you rock my world...
I got you this!
Oh! Hey! Wow!
Come on.
[ Laughs ]
This is beautiful.
But not as beautiful as you, Alissa.
Aww.
I love you. I love you.
Being with you and in front
of all of our friends and family here...
I just wanna say, I'm the luckiest man in the world!
[ Cheers and applause ] Man: Play something!
Oh.
Oh! Well, actually, there's one more part to your present!
It's Mr. John Mayer!
John Mayer! Thank you, thank you.
Hey, everybody!
Who's John Mayer?
I just wanna say, thank you, James and Alissa,
for making me...
Shut up!
A part of your special night.
Thank you very much.
You ever seen a hundred women get wet at the same time?
Watch this.
[ Mid-tempo intro plays ]
♪ Fathers be good to your daughters ♪
♪ daughters will love like you do ♪
♪ girls become lovers who turn into mothers ♪
♪ so mothers be good to your daughters too ♪
John, lay back. I'm gonna take a few bars.
[ Guitar solo ]
[ Applause ]
Man: Hey! Step aside, FBI! Back up!
Everybody, step aside!
[ Feedback ]
James king. Yeah?
You're under arrest for 43 counts of fraud
and 30 counts of embezzlement.
Well, that's impossible.
Yeah, that's what they all say. Get him outta here!
I know. This is some kind of joke.
Is this some kind of joke?
'Cause if this isn't, this is the worst nightmare imaginable.
Yeah! [ Laughs ] Finally.
Are you gettin' this? Shit, yeah!
Get outta the way!
I swear I don't know what any of this is about! Mm-hmm.
Don't worry, son! I'll take care of it.
Let's go.
Gayle, call my lawyer.
My party!
[ Indistinct shouting ]
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
The charges are securities fraud and embezzlement.
These transaction records prove you're guilty.
I've never seen these. These are fakes!
Boy, if you go to court, they're gonna kick your ass.
Take the plea. Dad!
Take the plea. You'll be out in a year
and in the best shape of your life.
No.
I have faith that the justice system
will exonerate me.
And that the jury will put aside their bias
and see the truth:
That I didn't steal money from people.
[ Indistinct shouting ]
I lost everything! Fuck you!
I-I didn't do it!
[ Gavel bangs ]
Judge Carlyle: For too long,
wealthy white collar offenders like you
have gotten a free pass
with light sentences in minimum-security prison...
While working Americans have suffered.
Well, that ends today, Mr. king.
I sentence you to the harshest penalty allowed:
Ten years in a maximum-security prison.
[ Gasps ]
[ Gavel bangs ]
You have 30 days to get
your affairs in order.
[ Indistinct shouting ]
Just run them over!
I can't go to jail. I'll die in there.
Martin: That's not gonna happen, James,
because I'm gonna put my investigators on this 24/7
until we find out who really did this.
Just make sure you stay within the county lines with that thing on.
Otherwise, the U.S. marshals will be down there pronto.
Son, I want you to stay strong. Do you hear me?
I will. I'll be so strong for you, dad.
[ James sobbing ]
Why me?!
[ Sobbing ] Jaoa: Esquiva!
[ Sobbing ]
[ Indistinct shouting ]
[ Gasps ]
♪ I didn't have time to tell my baby... ♪
I have to leave the country!
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ take her down ♪
♪ hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ [ Tires squeal ]
It took so long to ring me up,
I had to miss my waxing appointment.
I feel like a gorilla.
It's summer, too.
I can't believe this is happening to me.
It's like they don't even recognize you anymore.
Thank you. Yes.
Alissa! Hey! It's me, James.
I know. What are you doing?
Why do you look like that?!
Just eat your fuckin' salads!
I'll fuckin' kill you if you say anything.
Hi. Hi.
I came up with a great idea.
Let's just run away!
Some place that no one would ever think to find us.
Mexico. [ Stammers ]
Let's just leave this material world behind.
Live in a one-bedroom shack.
Oh, God.
Yes. You could sell chiclets on the road. What?!
Look, we'll work out the details later.
We should get out of here. No!
I already cut off my ankle bracelet.
No! No!
No! Let's go.
James, no. What?
No! I'm leaving you! Why?
But I thought you loved me forever.
Well...
Now you know.
[ Sighs ]
Alissa.
Man: This is the U.S. marshal service.
James king, exit the building
and surrender to custody immediately. Oh, shit!
Hey, guys. He's in there.
Oh!
[ Grunts ]
Why are you arresting me?!
Me llamo es reagando Esteban.
I am but a simple bartender from Belize.
Wait, no. Mexico.
Call my lawyer in Tijuana.
[ Yells ] [ Screams]
Oh, shit! Aah!
What the fuck is that?! Get off! It's me!
It's me! Mr. king?
Yes. You scared the shit outta me, man.
Whatcha doin' in the trunk?
I just needed... I just needed a place to regroup.
You know, fresh start.
Okay. Hey. Lemme help you out, man.
Ugh.
[ Horn honks ]
Fuck you, king!
I lost everything because of you!
I didn't do it!
[ Tires screech ] Fuck!
Fuck someone!
Fuck a tit!
Fuck a tit hard!
For the love of Alan greenspan.
Fuck! My life is ruined.
[ Sighs ]
I venture you've heard that I'm going to prison.
Yeah. No, we... we all did.
I just didn't wanna bring it up first, that's all.
Come on. They're probably sendin' you to some club fed prison.
You'll be playin' tennis and golf, you know.
I'm going to be attending San Quentin.
They're sendin' you to San Quentin?!
Oh!
What? Oh, God!
Oh, they fuckin' in San Quentin. Oh!
Everybody gets the dick.
They might as well call it San fuckin', man.
I don't wish that on my worst enemy.
You talkin' about bad? That's bad.
You should know. I-I'm sorry to remind you.
What are you... what are you talkin' about?
Well, the fact that you went to prison.
The fact that I went to prison?
Yes. Okay.
Just before I get to another level of anger,
Mr. king, just tell me for giggles,
how do you know I went to prison? It's really quite simple.
Statistical analysis is what I do.
Here's the deal: One out of three black men
will find themselves incarcerated during their lifetime.
Imagine a pizza, okay? Okay.
There are three pieces. Three black pieces.
One of those pieces of pizza will be thrown in jail
at some point during its life.
You know what? Lemme give you my statistical analysis.
You goin' to San Quentin...
There's 100% chance that you're gonna be somebody's bitch.
Ten years of this: [ Grunting ]
You know what that is? Mnh-mnh.
That's a big-ass black man on your pale white ass.
[ Groans ] [ Grunting ]
You: "No! I don't want any more!"
Stop! That's enough." Too late.
He done tagged the next guy in.
That's like a rabbit.
And you don't want him no more,
so now here comes the guy that wants to rub your face.
"Oh, I like his hair." He's breathing on you.
That's disgustin'. But guess what?
You can look forward to 10 years of it!
What if I speak to all the bitches and we organize...
Form a union, and we put our feet down and say, "enough!"
There's gotta be more of us than them. Well, there's not.
You deserve everything you're gettin'.
Good luck on survival, sir.
Better luck on handling yourself!
Wait! Wait! Wait! Don't leave. Don't leave, please.
I could use your help. Help you with what?
Help me to not be someone's bitch.
You expect me to help you?
I'm supposed to teach you what?!
How to prevent this...
All right, stop.
You could train me.
You could be the Athena to my odysseus.
I don't even know what the fuck that is, man!
I could pay you.
Whatever it takes.
I need $30,000.
Done.
O-okay.
Yup. Yeah.
Fantastic.
All right.
What're you doing?
I-I only know these two.
What are you trying to do?
Shake? You wanna shake my hand? Oh, yes.
Oh, regular. It's a deal. We got a deal.
Excellent. Thank you, Darnell.
I'll see you in the mornin', convict.
What're you doin'? What is that?
Tryin' to do this thing. No.
Shake. It's fine. Okay.
Mr. king, no. I got that.
All right.
I appreciate it.
No problem. I appreciate it.
[ Engine turns over ]
Yes! Thank you!
[ Insects chirp ]
Babe... This does not make any sense.
Why would he hire you?
Because he thinks I went to prison, babe.
See, that's the part I don't get.
Why would you tell him that?
I didn't tell him that. He assumed that.
He assumed it? Yes!
So what reason did you give him
to assume that you went to jail?
I was bein' black.
This is nuts.
Okay. I don't get what's nuts to you.
In 30 days, we'll have the money,
the house'll be ours. What is the problem?
The problem is he is never going to believe
that you went to jail.
Look, babe. I am your wife,
so I will put it to you straight.
You are not exactly a thug.
I don't have to be a thug to portray a thug.
Okay? Honestly, all I gotta do
is change my voice, talk a little deeper.
Talk like this and be every stereotype
he already thinks I am.
Right now, I'm thuggin'.
Yeah. This is thuggin'.
You're so good at it, sweetie.
Have a good night.
Bitch! Don't walk away from me!
What the hell did you just say to me?!
Girl, stop. What is wrong with you?!
Stop! Stop! What is that?!
I love you! I was playin'!
[ Sotto voice ] Bitch.
What what what what?!
I didn't say nothin'! Oh.
Man, I didn't say nothin'.
You wanna watch "the notebook"?
I love you and Makayla.
Yeah, I love you, too. Good night.
[ Theme plays ] [ Line ringing ]
Woman: You've reached the voice mailbox of Martin Clark.
Please leave a message after the tone.
[ Beep ]
Hi, dad?
It's James.
Just wondering if there's any word from the investigators.
I still love you.
Uh, thank you. Bye.
Now, I heard a crazy story about you.
This guy James king? Yeah.
And I heard that you played
at the party where he got arrested.
Yeah. I had no idea
that I was performing for a monster.
I don't know how to really explain
what it's like to take money from someone like that.
It makes you wanna give it back to them,
except that would be worse because then they'd have it.
And it's that whole helpless feeling that I have
about our creative process being monetized,
and that's what inspired me to write this song,
which is actually available on iTunes tonight at midnight.
Oh, wow. If I can play it.
Great. Okay.
♪ I can't see through walls♪
♪ and I can't read your mind♪
♪ but if I did I'd find♪
♪ that man James king is a great big turd ♪
♪ I mean, the small, small kinds♪
♪ but that sh-[Bleep] James will fall♪
♪ hands against the prison wall ♪
♪ choking on a mouthful of balls♪
♪ he'll be chokin' on a mouthful of balls♪
[ voice breaking ] I hate to admit it, but it's a good song.
Hey, Russell. It's, uh, it's Darnell.
Your cousin. Your cousin, Darnell, man.
Hey, listen, Russell...
How would you like to make $500
just for telling me what prison was like?
Yeah. Well, I don't... I don't wanna say that.
Russell, I shouldn't have to say that.
For... for what?! What is...?
Fine. Fine.
I'm a cliff huxtable pussy-lookin' motherfucker.
No! I'm not even wearing khakis.
Russell, can you please just help me,
what I'm asking you for?
Just start from the beginnin'.
No, no. Like, the beginning the beginning.
Like, the first day of prison.
On... on the first day?!
Oh! There's no warmup?
That's sad.
Russell, I'm sorry, did I just hear a gunshot?
You gotta go. Okay. Bye-bye.
Ready, mother...
ready, mother...
that's it, that's it.
[ Clears throat ]
[ Doorbell rings ]
[ Echoing ] Coming!
Rita, Makayla, new house, good school.
You ready, motherfucker?
Just a second!
[ Doorbell rings ]
Hello? Hello?
You ready, motherfucker?!
Aah! Oh, it burns!
Pepper spray, bitch!
Rule number one: You always be on guard, okay?
'Cause on the inside, there's somebody
waiting around every corner to fuck you up!
Prison school is in session, bitch!
You already failin'. Aah!
[ Straining ] I'm so glad I hired you.
This is just what I need. Ohh.
Okay. Uh, what's next?
What the...
How many motherfuckers live here?
All right. Let's get started.
This right here is my prison readiness program.
Now, if you follow this guide and do exactly what I say
you will definitely survive in prison.
"Keistering."
What's, uh, keistering?
Slow down! You ain't ready for that.
You're the teacher. And I just want you to know
I'll do whatever it takes to survive and get my life back.
That's good, 'cause let me tell you somethin':
You're gonna have to work harder
than you ever worked before.
You know, back when I was in Harvard business school,
I was facing some pretty long odds.
But I buckled down and I succeeded.
When you was at Harvard,
did you ever get raped for failing a test?
I think that's more of a Yale thing.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Both chuckling ]
"Yale." I'm sorry.
[ Both laugh ]
Shut the fuck up!
[ Gasping ]
Now from this point on, this ain't your house no more.
This San Quentin!
You understand me? Okay.
From now on this will be your cell.
You do not leave this room without my permission.
It's good.
For you to sleep on, señor.
Go on, we ain't got time for games.
Go upstairs, finish turning this place into prison.
It will be our pleasure
to repay you for your many kindnesses.
Put that in there in front of the statues with the dicks.
James, listen to me.
The key to survival in prison
lies in the following simple questions:
Are you hard? And can you handle yourself?
Well, this is a rare moment for optimism
because the answer to that is a resounding yes.
Well, that's good.
Let me see what your mad-dog face look like.
I'm sorry. What's a mad dog?
You a mad dog! Oh, shit.
What's your what, nigger? Huh? Take whatever you want!
Let me see that! No!
Stop! I beg of you!
Like a pit bull with no leash.
[ Growling ] [ Whimpers ]
That's a mad dog.
Wow. I knew you were the right guy for the job.
In prison, a mad-dog face is essential to your survival.
Do you understand me, James?
So the idea is that I make a face
that conveys the fact that
I would have no problem hurting you.
Exactly what it is.
Now convey that shit.
Let me see it. Okay.
[ Clears throat ]
Ha!
That's terrible.
No, that's horrible, man. Anger.
You gotta show me anger. Why you smilin'?
I'm not smiling. I'm tense and I'm agitated.
Come on, man!
[ Grunts ] Huh?
That's your mad... that's it?
Yeah. Your fiancée left you.
Huh? That's right!
Y-you happy about that?
No. Then get mad!
She gonna leave you? What is she doin'?
She probably on her knees
sucking somebody dick in the backseat of a truck.
[ Crying ] Show...
James.
Oh. Oh. Come on. Come on.
I miss her so much.
Oh, what the fuck are you doing, James?
I'm sad-dogging you.
James?
You think that's a strategy that could work?
No, I don't. I don't think it's a strategy that could work.
Hey, listen up, everyone. I'm extremely sad.
Please don't sexually assault me.
I'm already too sad.
Hey, fellas. My heart's already been raped.
Wait. I don't wanna do this anymore.
Let's move on. Okay? We're movin' on from the mad dog.
James, can you fight? [ Sighs ]
Absolutely.
Esquiva. Esquiva.
What? Esquiva. Esquiva.
You had to change your clothes for this? Entrada.
Entrada.
What the fuck are you doin', man?
It's called Capoeira. It's a Brazilian martial art.
But don't be fooled by its beauty and grace.
It's actually quite deadly.
This is deadly?
That's deadly?
Stab. Ow!
Stab. Stop.
Stab. Stab. Guards!
What are you...
stabbity stab, stab, stab! Ow! Ow!
What the fuck are you doin', man?
Shit ain't gonna save you in San Quentin!
Well, that may not,
but you haven't seen my bencao kick.
Your what? My bencao kick.
Bencao!
Look what your dumb ass done did.
Stab. Stab.
I'm dead. Stab.
I'm dead. Stab, stab, stab, stab.
You're so bad. [ Laughs ]
Aw, James. I gotta tell ya.
I just can't imagine what you must be goin' through.
Ahh. It is so nice to talk to you.
So, what's the latest from the investigators?
The investigators? Uh, Chinese hackers.
They're pretty sure.
Hey! I know I'm not crazy.
Didn't I tell you to get off the phone?
Get off the phone.
Hey, who are you talkin' to?
It's, uh, it's Darnell. He's helping me.
Get... your time is up!
I-I gotta go. I'll call you back.
Hang it up! Hopefully, if I get more phone time.
Hang it up! That was important to me!
Yeah, well, when you got a long line of angry inmates
waitin' to use the phone,
you do not wanna piss them off, James. [ Snaps fingers ]
I'm going to fuck you up, Mr. James!
Rosa!
You watch your back on the yard.
Puto. [ Gasps ]
I'm not a puto.
Great.
All right. We got a problem. Peter: What's that?
James is talking to somebody.
Oh, no, no, h-he trusts you.
He'll never put two and two together.
No, stop it, Peter! Stop it!
This is your fault! What?
Well, you couldn't get him to take the plea deal, right?
Instead of him goin' to prison,
you got him 30 days to be out there, runnin' around...
Fucking things up! I had to make it look good.
You throw a fight, you don't go down in the first round.
It's fine.
I don't want him out there,
playin' detective with somebody.
You keep an eye on my ex future son-in-law, would ya?
And find out who this Darnell is.
I'm on it. Right away.
Peter: There you go. [ Sighs ]
All right, James.
Look, you're gonna get in a fight on the inside. Okay?
Now, you don't need to win these fights,
but you need to show these guys
that you're not afraid to fight back.
Gotta get used to fightin', man.
See those guys over there?
Man: Wow. Yes.
I want you to go over there and I want you to fight one of them.
That's insane!
They're... they're behemoths.
They would break my spine.
Yeah, well, those are the type of guys
you're gonna see in San Quentin.
So you gotta shake that fear, man.
I want you to go over there
and punch that big-ass dude in the mouth.
[ Men laughing ]
Oh, my God. My heart is pounding.
Okay.
[ Chatter ]
[ Chuckling ]
Hey, guys.
Who the fuck are you, man?
I wanna fight you.
What?
You picked the wrong day to come to the park.
Is this some kind of joke, man?
You ever been mad-dogged before?
You about to get some right now, motherfucker.
What the fuck is that, man?
It's the size of your dick.
I'm gonna break it off, make you eat it.
You...
You fuck your mother with that dick?
How do you know my mama? You don't know my mama.
Oh, no.
[ Screaming ]
Get him! Get him!
Get back here, bitch!
Oh, no! Please don't hurt my body!
Aah!
No! My body!
Help! Help me!
You're breaking my spine!
[ Tires screech, brakes squeal ]
Wait. What happened to my tennis court?
James, you will no longer refer to this area as a tennis court.
From this point on, this is the yard.
Understand something, James.
The yard is the most deadliest part of prison.
It's where you come to get your few precious minutes
of fresh air and sunlight.
Do you understand me? Mm. Fresh air.
[ Breathes deeply ]
How many times did I breathe in clean air,
fragrant with lavender, and take it for granted?
James, I don't give a fuck how many times.
I don't give a shit.
I'm just saying. Shut up, James.
You gotta step carefully
because if you step in the wrong place at the wrong time,
you'll end up in the wrong territory.
For a person like you that can't fight,
it's not a good thing, James.
It's not a good thing at all.
Right now, you in the brothas-only section, man.
You got two seconds to get your white ass out,
before you get mollywhopped.
Okay, Darnell. Who's Darnell?
You are. My name is Leroy!
Yeah, I suggest you walk, white boy.
All right. Walk!
I'm walkin'. Turn around and walk!
I'm walkin'.
Hey, ése. What?
You got a problem, gringo?
Darnell, what are you doing?
Darnell? Who's Darnell, ése?
You're lookin' at Carlos.
I suggest you walk wherever you came from, ése,
before you have a problem.
I just was trying to leave that area.
Okay, well, you need to go back over there with the negros, ése.
With Leroy?
You go back over there with the negros!
'Cause that's where you belong.
I don't see anyone. Yeah, you belong with the negros.
Go. I'm going.
Fuck you callin' a negro, Carlos?!
He was. I wasn't. I told you, Carlos!
Keep that shit over there on your side!
Take that yankee with you! I'll go with you!
Hey, I don't want him. I don't want him.
He's a negro lover. You take him. Why don't I...
motherfucker, car... say somethin' else, bro!
Hey! Hey, I swear to God.
Guys, please! I swear to God, I'll cut you, ése.
Let's just shake hands. There is no shaking hands, gringo.
Friendship. You go back where you belong.
I don't know where I belong.
[ Effeminate voice ] Leave him alone. I'll keep him.
You belong with me.
W-who are you? I'm Dante.
Why don't you leave him alone, Carlos!
Leave him alone, Leroy!
Are you a woman? I am if you want me to be.
I don't want that. No, okay, I know what you are.
Let me hold your pocket.
All right.
I claimed him!
He mine, Leroy!
Bitch! You got two seconds to let his fuckin' pocket go.
Two! Oh!
Motherfucker! You got two seconds, bitch! Don't hit a woman!
Gonna knock your ass out!
Don't hit a woman! You don't want my pocket.
You don't want it. So what?
Why can't I be happy? Hey, esé.
I don't like you and this domestic shit
in front of me and my crew.
I don't... you think I like it?
You need to fuckin' take it somewhere else, esé.
Huh? Gringo, you take you and your dirty bitch elsewhere.
I'll just go all the way over there. Don't call me dirty, Carlos.
I wasn't dirty when you was up in it.
I wasn't dirty then, was I?
You were dirty then. You're dirty now, bitch.
So what? So what? You should be...
he ain't complainin'. You should get tested.
He ain't complainin'. No, I'm not complaining
because we have yet to have any sort of interaction.
Mnh-mnh. Tonight will be our night.
No, we won't. Tonight won't happen.
Hey. Be my white knight. Save me.
Don't get your hopes up. Don't get your hopes up. Let me ride you.
R-ride me? Let me ride you into safety.
No! I don't feel comfortable with that.
Don't let them fight you like that.
Let go of me! Leroy is going to be upset.
I knew you were coming back.
Motherfucker! Motherfucker!
I knew you were coming back. I knew you were coming back.
You making me mad, motherfucker!
I'm not doing anything!
Motherfucker, I'm about to whoop your ass, white boy!
That's it! That's it. That's it, gringo.
I swear to God, I'm getting sick of this shit.
I'll fuckin' stab you.
I'm still confused as to what piece you are in this puzzle, Carlos.
Hold on! Hold on. Huh? What?
Question, question. Are there any French gangs?
I speak French. I'm not fluent, but I can...
Uh, je m'appelle James?
Can I join the gang, s'il vous plait?
You know what, James? You can't fight.
Being that you can't fight,
that means I'm left with one choice,
and that's to get your stupid ass in shape.
God! You're failing.
[ Straining ] I've got a state-of-the-art gym 40 feet away.
Ain't no gyms in San Quentin.
♪ Little Sally Walker, sittin' in a saucer ♪
curl me, bitch! Curl me!
Maybe I should start with a baby at higher reps.
Come on!
Hey!
Hey, you!
I wanna fight you.
What'd you say, dickhead?
I wanna fight you, asshole.
♪ What to say the least ♪
let's just rest here.
[ Grunting ]
Look at his face.
He looks like he's getting fucked right now.
[ Grunts ]
Oh, come on!
You better not drop me! Goddamn it!
Excuse me, sir. I hate to bother you,
but I need to fight you. I was in nam!
And I fuckin' loved it!
James, you gotta throw somethin' back!
Aah! Darnell!
No... ohh!
Save me!
♪ Oh, shit! ♪
your training's not going well, man.
I mean, frankly, I don't feel like you're givin' me 100%.
And as your incarceration expert, that concerns me.
'Cause it's my job to prepare you.
[ Sighs ] Fortunately, I got a plan.
Oh, thank God. Oh, that's good.
You're gonna learn how to suck dick.
What?!
[ Clears throat ] Oh, God.
Listen up.
I said I want you to learn how to suck dick.
I heard you!
That's your plan? Yes.
All I'm sayin' is that when life
puts a dick in your mouth, you make dickade.
"Dickade" doesn't sound like
a significant improvement over dick.
Okay. Bottom line, James...
I know what I'm talkin' about.
We're talkin' about survival. I understand.
'Cause that's how you survived. Right?
No, you shut your mouth. No, it is not.
I survived with these.
Dual hand jobs. No. No!
I kill with these.
That's the difference between me and you.
Hence, why you need to suck a dick.
Come on, man.
[ Sighs ] Where am I gonna find someone who...
We're at the ivars brasserie.
Look around you.
This is L.A.'s number-one gay hookup scene.
Voted "flirtiest brunch" three years in a row.
But what do I say? What do I literally say?
You say, "I wanna suck your dick."
Politely.
"Hey, hi. I'm James.
You mind if I could give you a little... a little head?"
Hey, I'm James.
"I wanna suck your dick."
I wanna suck your dick. There you go!
Just dive in! That's what they do.
What if someone says no?
He ain't gonna say no.
It's a scientific fact.
According to who?
Dickapedia! I don't fuckin'... why do you care?
Is that a real site? No.
James, it's a figure... get up.
You're gonna go... you're gonna go to that bar.
That guy. That guy right there.
Get up, go over there,
and politely ask that man, can you suck his dick?
[ Sighing ] Oh, my gosh.
I can't believe I'm about to do this.
Survival.
Go survive.
All right. I'll just go do it.
Yes, go do it.
James: [ Exhales sharply ] Okay. Come on.
Are we doing this or not, okay?
Yes, we're definitely doing it.
Hey, I was nervous the first time I did karaoke, right?
Yeah. Just get up there and sing.
This is terrible foreplay. Come on.
I'm gonna put it in my mouth. Yeah.
I'm gonna suck your di... Your di...
I'm gonna suck your di...
Yeah, that's what we're here for.
I'll gonna put your di... in my mouth.
I'm gonna give you hea...
Facial.
Down the hatch! Ha.
[ Whimpers ]
Eating alone?
I just thought you could use some company.
Oh. O-okay, I see what this is.
You... you think that you can... that you can get with me?
Ooh, interesting topic of conversation. Wait. No.
That wasn't a sit-down invitation.
You're like... you're like a 6.
Thank you. No, it's not a compliment.
That's not a... that's not a good number.
I'm like a 9.
If I were to get into this game...
You know, the gay game... Uh-huh.
By the way, the gay game is a game you can win.
No, I-it's not, 'cause I don't wanna play.
I'm saying "if." If I were to...
there's a spot on the bench for ya, if you decide to join.
No, I'm not... I'm not... on the bench, man.
Okay, starter! [ Laughs ]
I'm not gay, man.
I'm here supportin' a friend, doin'... doin' some gay stuff.
I'm sorry. My name is Chris.
It's short for Christmas came early this year.
Where are you at, man?
Come on, man.
This is gonna help me in the long run.
Here. Right there. Ooh.
Don't point it at me. Just...
Hey! Have fun with it, right?
Yeah. Have fun with it. Yeah.
Come on. Three, two, one! In the mouth!
Aah!
Look, you're gonna find you someone, man.
You just gotta set your sights
on something more realistic, you know?
This is what I need to hear.
Yes! Yes.
I can't do it. I really tried.
I just... I just can't!
You have to train me. It's my last chance.
Are you ready to train harder than you've ever trained before?
Because once we go, we do not hold back.
We do it, and we do it hard!
Are you ready to get hard?
I am ready. I'm ready to get hard!
You're gonna show me that you can get hard!
I'm gonna show you! I'm gonna get so hard!
'Cause I'm gonna show you how hard! That's what I wanna hear.
Then let's go home and get hard.
♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ whoa-oh-oh-oh ♪
I want what they have.
Yeah!
Yeah, James!
Yeah!
♪ The window's down, let the whole world see ♪
[ grunts loudly ] Yeah!
That's what I'm talkin' about!
Sho' enough!
Fear of dick sucking will give a man strength.
♪ Kill 'em all, kill 'em all ♪
fuck you.
Fuck cock!
Shit!
Hey, back off!
You better get those tits out of my face!
Or I'll show you my tits!
What're you doin'?
Working on my trash talk.
You know, to get respect from the other inmates.
Let me hear some of it.
Uh, all right. [ Clears throat ]
Hey, pal. I'm about to tear you a new ass.
You gonna have to do a little better than that, James.
Hey, I'm about to tear you a new ass.
And sew up your old ass!
Okay. All right.
I'm gonna punch you in the fuck!
I'm gonna make you my bitch's bitch!
You're gonna be my grand bitch!
Yeah. You're about to get 20 likes on instafuck.
If I see you around here again,
I'm gonna put a hashtag on your ass
and see how many hits it gets.
Hmm? Oh, my God.
Hope you brought your costco card,
'cause you're about to get dick in bulk!
What? This is so dark. You eat organic?
How about fresh farm-to-table, a purée of my balls!
Yeah.
Merry dickmas, Santa cock!
Hmm?
Okay. All right, man.
Where is this stuff comin' from, James?
Hey, son. You're a disappointment to your parents.
Who I fucked!
Oh, shit.
James, this is sick.
You gotta be crazy to think of this.
That crazy is good.
Thank you. I've got about six hours more.
That's good, James. That's really good. Okay.
I like that. Good.
I like that a lot. All right.
I hope you brought your dick punch-card
'cause the eighth dick is free.
Stab!
Ah, shit!
That's not bad, James.
That's not bad at all. Progress.
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled cocks!
Yes.
Hey, hey, hey!
You ready to get to work today?
Huh?
Hello.
What's all this stuff?
Oh, these are shanks.
Or "shivs."
In Scotland, they're referred to as "chibs."
In fact, I made this one for you.
Really? Yeah.
Just to say thank you for all the hard work.
Ah, man.
[ Chuckles ] That's nice.
That's cool. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Don't... don't hold it by the blade.
Haven't you ever held one before? Right here.
Yeah, no, no, my cellie used to hold 'em all the time.
I don't like 'em. I feel like they cause too much trouble.
You pull that out on the yard, somebody come out attack you,
they can do this to you. Now what do you do?
You know what I mean?
Huh!
What the hell?! Where'd that come from?
I taught myself how to keister.
How to... Keister? Yeah.
Up the keister?
Look. [ Whirring ]
The electronic toothbrush part, it still works.
Oh, no.
Okay, James.
James, cut it off. Cut it off.
Get it outta my face, man.
I can turn it on with no hands.
I don't want to see that.
I don't want to see that trick.
It's okay. Put it back.
God. Put it back?
No. No, no. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.
Please.
Do you want me to teach you how?
Nah, I'mma pass on that.
It starts with a simple inverse inhale.
[ Inhaling sharply ]
James, stop it.
That, with a simultaneous relaxing of the sphincter.
Okay, I don't... I don't wanna know.
You sure?
James, I'm... I'm positive.
I just wanna ask you one question. Yeah.
I was over there, and I was touchin'...
I was touchin' all those shanks. Yeah.
Were... were they...
Keistered?
Yeah. Were they... were they keistered?
Most of 'em.
Yeah.
We're about to simulate a prison riot.
Understand that this is the most dangerous situation there is.
Prisoners are scared. Guards are scared.
The key to survivin' is to not freak out.
Good lord. What's gonna happen?
Cecelio's just gonna throw some stuff at you.
Some roosters, some mangly homeless guys,
whatever he's got.
He's really excited about this.
Okay. Let's do it.
Wait, don't I get body armor?
No. We don't have that type of time.
Cecelio! [ Feedback ]
Why don't we have enough time?
James, remember, do not freak out.
Lights! Music! [ Dance music plays ]
Cecelio: Who wants to party?!
Go! Go! Go!
Cecelio! Release the chickens!
No, no, no, James! Don't freak out!
Darnell, there's a baboon! [ Animal shrieking ]
You're in my world now!
Someone let me out!
Stop freaking out!
[ Balls ejecting ]
It's fuckin' beautiful!
[ Yells ]
Oh, shit!
Die! Die!
[ Screaming ]
Cecelio, turn it off! Turn it off!
James, I've lost control! Cecelio! Pull back!
I have lost control!
[ Glass shattering ]
Oh, my God! Ah, God!
Oh, my God. Shit!
Ah! I'm stabbed! No!
I'm cut! No, you cut me, man!
You stabbed me!
No, I didn't! Yes, you did!
I told you, don't freak out! You freaked out!
God! Wait.
No, I'm okay. Hold up.
It's just the wine.
I see all the wine, man.
I totally feel fine.
Oh, fuck!
What? [ Gasps ]
Oh! Don't... don't... don't...
that's where the other one went.
Yeah, okay, just sit down. It's a shiv.
It's just a shiv. Yes, I know.
Hey, don't freak out. I know.
I'mma pull it. Okay.
[ Yelling ]
Oh, my God. It's like a fishhook.
The more you pull, the deeper it lodges.
All right. Okay. Look, my wife's a nurse.
Let's get you to my wife. Okay?
God. [ Whimpers ]
Oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
It's sticking right out of my head.
James, listen.
I don't want to look at it no more
because I'm startin' to...
Oh, shit. I'm so scared.
I know. I just don't wanna...
can you fuckin' just keep your head...
ohh!
[ Moaning ] Oh, God!
You drove it in a little deeper.
Oh, God. Oh, James, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Is my eye twitching? No!
Answer the question. Is my eye twitching?
It look fine. Yeah?
Yeah. Does it look fine?
Yeah, fine, man. There's nothing wrong.
Let's play a memory game, okay? Engage.
[ Snapping fingers ] Yes.
What up? Give me 12 months.
Months. One, two...
No. Four...
Summer, Christmas...
What? Baked potato...
What is "baked potato"?
Wait. Did I leave one out?
No. You're right. You're right.
Those are the months.
Thanks for driving me to college, dad.
What? What the fuck?
But don't start crying when you drop me off at the dorm,
'cause then I'll start crying.
I love you, dad.
Love... love you, too, man.
This is where I need to get out.
James! James! No! [ Tires screech ]
[ Both screaming ]
Close the door! Close the door!
Are we at Coachella? No, James!
[ Sighs ]
Rita, thank you once again
for taking the knife out of my head.
Mm.
[ James snorting ]
Makayla, what...
Young lady.
But he's doing it.
This is delicious.
Okay, James. [ Growls ]
Stop. Stop. You don't have to eat like that.
You're on furlough.
Mm. Sorry.
It's part of my training.
If you let someone mess with your food, you're a punk.
It's delicious, though.
Look, you need to shut this stuff down right now.
Do you understand you're gonna get him killed
before he even gets to prison? What're you talking about?
No. Darnell's doing a wonderful job.
He's a great teacher.
See that? And a great friend.
The only thing I can't figure out
is how he ever went to jail in the first place. Gosh, me neither.
You know, Darnell, have you every shared with James
the story of how you went away?
No, he hasn't.
Well, he's not really ready for that right now.
And I got... and I got Makayla at the table.
I mean, she's the daughter of a convicted felon.
She's strong. Mm-hmm.
James: Good point. Why don't you tell it.
And don't leave out any details.
James: I-I'd love to hear it.
I think it could really help me.
[ Clears throat ] Okay.
Uh, we was... we was just some boys in the hood.
Me, my man Ricky, and doughboy.
Doughboy's real name was Russell.
We was close, man.
Ricky, thing about Ricky, Ricky was special,
'cause Ricky had the ticket.
Ricky was star quarterback.
You know, he had a college future.
He was our golden boy, you know?
We got into it with some other guys.
You know, some gangbang stuff.
On the way home we decide to split up.
Me and doughboy said we'll go this way.
Ricky said he'll go this way.
Me and doughboy come around, we see Ricky on the ground.
Ricky got shot.
I run over there. I'm runnin', I'm runnin'.
I grab him. I got his head on my arm.
I'm lookin'. I'm like, "Ricky!"
Ricky!
Aah!
[ Sobs ]
"Ricky."
He... [ Utensil clangs ]
He had the ticket!
They got him.
Doughboy's like, "come on, man. Get up.
Let him be. He's done."
I get up.
Doughboy says, "you know what this mean.
This mean we gotta step up." Oh, no.
I said, "you damn right, it does."
So we strapped up.
I don't know what that means.
It means we got the burners.
I don't know what that means.
It means we went and got the guns.
We saw those guys later that night.
Three head shots. Bop! Bop! Bop!
[ Sighs ] "That's for Ricky!"
For sure.
Cops came, man.
I told doughboy I'd take the rap.
I said, "you go ahead. Live your life."
I'll tell 'em it was me."
Cops came. I said, "I did it." I went to jail.
[ Sighs ]
You gave your life and your freedom for Russell.
Loyal to a fault.
It is what it is. That's why I wash cars today.
'Cause I got blood on my hands.
Just like lady MacBeth.
Huh? Like MacBeth.
Yes.
Phew! Wow, what a story.
Almost sounds like a movie.
Rita: Whew. Makayla: Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Darnell, why don't you tell him
about that time that that white lady came and adopted you...
And turned you into an offensive tackle.
I think we've talked enough tonight.
[ Car horn honks ] Oh, there's my cab.
I'd better get back before lockdown
or Cecelio will put me in the hole.
He loves putting me in the hole.
Well, let me walk you out, man.
No, that's fine. Thanks for everything.
James, it was wonderful meeting you.
Great to meet you, too.
You know, growing up,
my family would never spend any time together like this.
You guys are very lucky.
Bye, Makayla.
Bye, Mr. king.
Bye-bye.
[ Door opens, closes ]
Hey, your dad never went to jail, okay?
I've seen "boyz n the hood."
Who showed you "boyz n the hood"?
Daddy, I don't think he did it.
Of course he didn't.
You need to do something that's really gonna help him.
He will not last in prison.
He wouldn't even last in my school.
[ Insects chirping ]
[ Camera whirs ]
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
[ Guitar playing jazz ]
[ Cellphone vibrates ]
Hello, this is James.
Hey. It's me, Darnell.
Look, man, I've been thinking it over,
and I think it might be a good idea
to get you some extra protection on the inside.
So tomorrow were gonna go over to my cousin Russell's house.
Now listen to me, James.
My cousin Russell and his friends,
they're a different type of dudes, man.
Very suspicious of outsiders.
I mean, you walkin' in there,
they're probably gonna think you a cop off the bat.
So I need you to do something for me
so we don't create any dangerous situations.
Dress more casually. Blackface.
What the fuck was that?
Uh, s-see you tomorrow.
James. James.
James, don't... don't do nothing stupid.
Just dress casual.
[ Horn honks ]
♪ Bitches ain't shit and they ain't sayin' nothin' ♪
♪ a hundred motherfuckers can't tell me nothin' ♪
♪ I beez in the trap, be-beez in the trap ♪
♪ damn, damn, what they say about me? ♪
♪ I don't know, man, fuck is on your biscuit ♪
♪ if I get hits swingin' on a big bitch ♪
♪ I don't know, man, I'm shittin' on your whole life ♪
♪ damn, damn, what they say about me? ♪
♪ I don't know, man, fuck is on your biscuit ♪
nice whip.
What the hell are you doin'?
Who you supposed to be dressed like, James?
Little Wayne.
It's what he wore at his last runway show.
Oh, lil Wayne.
You told me I needed to try to fit in,
so I stayed up all last night studying your culture.
I'm sorry, what?
And to those who say jazz
is the only indigenous American art form,
I say listen to a little Jay z, my friend.
Oh! [ Sighs ] I forgot the gin and juice.
Should I run back inside?
♪ Ahh ♪
♪ yeah, I'm paranoid, I'm trippin' ♪
♪ I've been smokin' and sippin' ♪
♪ I'm... Around with two... ♪
♪ but I never made them... My misses ♪
will you stop?
I-I'm not trying to appropriate your culture.
That's great. I'll tell the others.
I'm just saying, hip-hop
is a very sophisticated, multifaceted subculture
that speaks to all different types of people.
The music, the... the fashions, the attitudes, the beefs...
The more I read, the more I listened,
the more I felt connected to its rich cultural tapestry.
That is really great.
Now, can we please be done with this conversation?
Please stop.
I think I know who killed Tupac.
♪ Pretty boy baby ♪
[ indistinct rapping ]
[ Indistinct arguing ]
James: I got next!
What the fuck?
Hello.
I'm gonna put a cap in yo ass.
Who the fuck are you?!
Yo, he's good. He with me.
And who the fuck are you, nigger?
Hey, Russ... Russell!
Russell.
Russell! 'Scuse me.
James: Hello.
James king, senior fund manager, Wealthrop funds.
James, come on. Excuse me. Right through here.
[ Laughing ]
Hell naw, man. Is this the motherfucker
who you said you had to get ready for prison, man?
[ Laughs ]
Well, I-I need... I need protection,
and I'm hoping to join the crenshaw kings.
Are you?
[ Laughter ]
Hey, I've seen white people before.
My probation officer is white. You know what I'm saying?
But you, motherfucker, man, you...
you white as mayonnaise, man.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, shit. Maybe in blackface. Who knows?
Hey, listen.
I tell you what, though.
You damn sure got your get-up right, man.
I mean, camouflage and cheetah print,
that's straight out the gangbanger's handbook.
Yeah, yeah, like... like lil Wayne, right?
Exactly. Thank you.
[ Laughs ] I love it.
Look, he's not trying to be a member, okay?
H-he just wants you to protect him while he's on the inside.
L-like you did for Darnell when he took the rap for you.
What?
That's... we can talk about that another time.
Yeah. No.
So let's let that go.
Y-you remember. You know.
With what Ricky did and the ticket... No.
And you freaked out
and Darnell took control of the situation.
Stop.
Is this motherfuckin'...
"Boyz n the hood," man.
[ Laughter ]
This is a bad time. Okay, I tell you what, man.
I tell you what: Humor me.
I'm a fair person.
And I'm a businessman.
Clear professional.
What's your life worth to you?
How does a million dollars sound?
[ Chuckles ] "How does a million dollars sound?"
[ Laughter ] Hold up, everybody.
Stand back. I'll handle it.
How does a million dollars sound?
Man, a million dollars sound like a one with six zeros
behind it with two commas separating them.
However, from the sound of CNN
and the looks of the wall street journal
and everybody else that people with eyes and ears
go to get they news, you broke, motherfucker.
Your assets have been frozen
with no chances of thawing anytime soon.
So you probably got as much or less
than this little no good, manipulative,
degenerate motherfucker right here next to you.
Which forces me to ask the question,
"are you fuckin' with me?"
You think this a motherfuckin' game?
You think I'm playin'?
Why would you come up in my hood,
in my house, man, and present yourself as somethin' you not,
offerin' shit you know you can't deliver?
Did this motherfucker tell you to lie to me? Russ.
Shut the fuck up, man.
I think, real fast, you need to tell me
what the fuck you gonna do
to make me wanna keep motherfuckers off your ass.
You're talking to James king.
Let me create wealth for you.
So the normal minimum buy-in to the nexel fund is $5 million,
but I can get you guys in using a brokerage pocket account.
In other words, liquidate two bricks of cocaine
and park it right here.
Now, with the historical performance of the fund,
that's gonna double every three to five years,
and we're looking at $1.2 million easy.
Ain't no way you're making that much money
without committing a crime.
With apologies to balzac.
You pussy. What the fuck?
You talkin' about my ballsack, nigger?
No.
W-what we're gonna do is we get other people's money
who've made an opposite prediction on the market.
Okay, we gonna roll on them and take they money.
Just how strapped are these loser motherfuckers?
Oh, I-I wouldn't worry. I've taken millions from them,
and they haven't stepped to me, yet.
[ Chuckles ] Loser motherfuckers.
Damn. Mayo is badass.
Stock market is gangster.
Take what's yours and fuck the other guy, right?
Wall street, man. Those are the real criminals.
Those guys get away with murder.
Wait, man. You murder people all the time, black.
[ Chuckling ] Oh, yeah. Murder's my favorite.
[ Laughter ]
[ Indistinct rapping ]
You should know, you did alright this time.
Your boy Mayo is an earner.
Are you gonna get him some help on the inside?
I'll help him.
But not with us.
You know, inside it's all about color.
Dude need a white gang. A very white gang.
But I'll put the play together.
♪ We can't be stopped now ♪
♪ 'cause it's bad boy for life ♪
James: That's... that's the gang I have to join?
They seem kind of racist.
Ain't no "kind of." They are.
That's the alliance of whites.
That's also your only chance of survival in prison,
so you need to go in there and you need to make them
believe that you're one of them.
Matter of fact, call me the n-word.
But say it like you mean it, though.
Let me hear it.
What?
No.
That's the wrong n word.
Come on, James, I'm giving you a free pass right now.
In this truck, the n-word is perfectly fine.
Just another word right now. Go ahead.
That still doesn't feel...
All right, let's try this.
What's that place where your leg bends?
My knee?
Okay.
And what noise does a angry dog make?
Grr?
Put it together, though.
Knee. Knee grr.
Ow! Oh, shit! I'm sorry.
[ Groans ]
I am sorry, man, that just... that happened.
That literally just happened.
Wow, I got you good, too. It just, like, jumped out, man.
It was a reflex. I-I really can't tell you.
I didn't even say it. I was saying two other words.
I apologize, James. What do you want me to do?
Just get your ass out the car and go in there, act hard.
Fit in, man. Go ahead.
Cut the light off! Shit!
[ Car door closes ]
[ Rock music playing, indistinct conversations ]
[ Music intensifies ]
Fuck yeah!
Man: Spider, you're up.
Watch and learn, son.
[ Music and conversations stop ]
Hi.
Uh, if I could have your attention, please.
I'm just looking for someone by the name of spider?
He's a narc!
Listen...
This relationship can't just be built around him.
I mean, you got a right to be happy, too, you know?
And I am, I am.
And I think I'm open to it now because of our talk.
Yeah. That's good.
I love the fact that you're listenin'. I love that.
You know, you're the best boyfriend I never had.
[ Laughs ] Okay.
[ Both laugh ]
Yeah, well, I'm not totally giving up.
There is time. And things change with time.
No, no, they don't.
No. No, no. That's never gonna happen.
You say that now.
No, no, no. I'm always gonna say that.
Okay.
[ Laughs ] Okay.
Aw, shit.
Hey, I... I gotta go, okay?
So I'll talk to you later. Have fun.
[ Indistinct shouting ]
Private club, Jew hair.
[ Laughter ]
Good one, spider.
[ Chuckles nervously ] I walked right into that one.
Uh, James king.
Protestant.
[ Chuckles ]
But, uh, Russell,
from the crenshaw kings, referred me?
Yeah, Russell said you'd be by.
Anyway, I'm going to prison and I need protection.
Well, welcome to the club, Jimbo.
Great! Oh, good!
But you get protection from us, we got rules.
Principles.
Rule number one: When you're on the inside,
you don't hang out with the niggers or the spics.
Now, do you have a problem with that, brother?
Me?
O-of course not.
[ Scoffs ]
Spider...
What do you take me for?
I'm a big-time racist.
I hate the knee. What?
Man: What is this shit?
I mean, heck, I'm such a racist
that my chess set, I only have white pieces.
It's confusing, but I don't...
I won't give the blacks a chance to win.
Oh, shit. [ Indistinct shouting ]
He's a fucking cop.
He's a cop! I smell bacon.
I'm not a cop. Fuckin' hate narcs.
We'll find out what he is.
[ Indistinct shouting ]
Oh, God. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Oh, my God.
[ Engine revving ]
I'm just wondering if maybe I'm not the best fit
for the alliance of whites.
You got anything to confess before I rip your face off?
Fine! Go ahead! Kill me!
But please tell the world I'm not a thief!
I did not do the things they said I did!
[ Engine revs ]
Promise me, spider! Promise me!
Burn him.
Aah!
[ People screaming ]
The fuck was that?!
That's right!
A black man just came in with a flamethrower,
just like you always knew would happen!
Yeah!
The devil in here, bitch!
And he's a black man.
Stay yo ass back!
Stay back!
James! Let's go!
Yeah.
You all right? Yeah. Come on.
Come on. Come on, let's go.
You know what?
I got something I wanna say to y'all since I'm guessin'
this is the first time that you've ever been forced
to listen to a black man.
You know, maybe you guys
should just calm the fuck down.
Black people ain't tryin' to hurt you!
I mean, technically, I am right now.
But that's only because of
what you were tryin' to do to the white guy.
Think about that!
Google "I have a dream," assholes!
It's a teachable moment here, people.
Should burn everybody in here.
[ Hissing ]
Run, James!
Oh, shit!
Bring me their fucking heads!
Run, James! Run!
What the fuck are you knocking over the bike for?
Run!
Oh, God.
You just couldn't say "nigger," huh?
What?! [ Engine turns over ]
You can't see the irony in being mad at me about that?
No!
Motherfucker! It's Nazi titties!
And they're huge!
[ Tires screech ]
Get out!
Oh, shit! [ Woman screaming ]
Bitch, get your white ass off!
Goddamn it!
Oh, go, go, go!
Spider: You blew up my club, Jew hair! Oh, shit!
Post-racial America, assholes!
Fuck you, Nazis! Yeah!
[ Indistinct singing ]
I'm so glad to be back in crenshaw where it's safe.
My heart is just now finally settling.
Yeah. We're... we're alive.
How 'bout we make a toast to escaping fucking Nazis.
Yes.
You really are innocent, aren't you?
Yes. Absolutely.
Okay, so, James, if that's the case,
then why aren't you tryin' to find the guy that framed you?
We are.
Who are?
James: Now, Martin has a team of investigators
working around the clock.
He's keeping me up to date.
But the million-dollar question is:
Who falsified my transaction records?
All right, lay it on me. All right.
Now, this is very complicated to follow.
I don't expect you to get it on the first pass,
so listen very carefully.
The one thing you need to understand
at the Wealthrop fund
is that everything flows through Martin.
Okay? Okay.
Any sort of contact with the clearing house, the traders,
access to trading records and client information,
international accounts, institutions,
and, of course, the doling out of commissions
all goes through Martin.
So it's Martin.
No. Are you fucking ki...
it's common sense, James. Look!
All arrows point to Martin!
The only name on the board is fuckin' Martin!
Martin! Martin! Martin!
[ Sighs ] Come on!
James, you need to focus.
You're goin' to prison
unless you can prove that Martin did it.
Then we'd need to get a hold of the master records,
which is a log of all transactions made
by anyone in the firm.
Okay, how do we get it?
Martin has the original copy
on the same computer that he had when he started the company.
You got to be the dumbest genius I've... get up, James!
All right. Fuck the board!
Let's go, James! We're going to Martin's office.
Act natural, James. You walkin' like you guilty.
Hey, big guy, you catch the game?
Yeah.
Hey, big guy, my name is Ken.
I work here.
[ Shushing ]
Okay. Okay. It's in this cabinet.
We just have to figure out a way to
get the door open. Watch out.
I got it.
Ah. There it is.
Same computer he had when he started the company.
It's a good luck charm. Good luck charm, my ass.
It has no connection to the outside world.
No e-mails, no Internet, no trace.
There it is! The master records!
That's what we need. This will clear my name.
Oh, well, then let's not waste time. Get it.
Yes! I'm not going to prison.
More importantly, I'm not gonna be anyone's bitch.
Hey, you are livin' the dream, my friend.
Darnell? Yeah?
Look, you saved my life.
I don't know how I'll ever repay you.
Oh, come on, man.
Just this once.
[ Both chuckle ]
All right, break it up.
Leave the cart there and back away.
Move away, come on.
Move, move.
I actually respect you for trying,
but enough is enough, James.
All right.
What are you doin'?
James, what are you doing?
Don't mad-dog, James. [ Barks ]
He's gonna shoot us.
What the fuck?
[ Barking ] No.
He's gonna kill us, man. Do you want some?
Oh, fuck!
Do you wanna step with me?! Aw, God!
You'd better... don't...
oh, shit!
The gun! Grab the gun!
Huh? Why don't you pick up the gun!
Uh... Grab it!
Yeah. I got it, I got it! I got it.
Yeah, I got it.
You look a little nervous.
First time holdin' a gun?
Nope.
Motherfucker, freeze!
'Fore I pop yo ass! "Pop"? Really?
I would listen to him. This man's a dangerous felon.
Yeah, except when I ran his record,
it was the cleanest one I'd ever seen.
Not even a parking ticket.
Yeah.
What?
You didn't know? Yeah.
Stop dickin' around and give me the gun.
Come on. Give me the gun. [ Gun clicks ]
I think you have the safety on.
Shit!
[ Groans ]
See? Safety's on.
[ Gun clicks ] Safety off.
[ Tires screech ]
Martin was right. You are a lucky little shit.
Don't give me reason to find you again.
Either of ya.
Don't you mad-dog me, James.
Listen, listen, I got some explainin' to do.
James!
We can talk about this after we go catch this guy.
You traitor! "Traitor"?
Everything you taught me was a lie!
And now I'm fucked beyond all fucktitude!
M-my life's asshole is... is fucked!
You stop with your unorthodox style of cussin'!
You just remember:
Whatever happens to me in there, it's your fault!
Oh, stop. That's bullshit, man.
Okay, I may have lied to you about goin' to jail,
but I did my job. I got you ready!
Ready for what?!
Maximum-bullshit prison?
I almost sucked a dick because of you!
I don't even give a shit.
It's my sign.
♪ The world is mine ♪
♪ nigger, get back ♪
♪ don't fuck with my stack ♪
♪ the gauge is racked ♪
♪ about to drop the bomb, I'm they motherfuckin' don ♪
I honestly don't get the difference
between roth and the traditional iras.
Jojo: Fuck is wrong wit' you?
The shit is pretax.
No, no, no, it's okay.
A lot of people get confused by that.
No, this bitch is gonna mess around and get us audited.
Say what you mean, son.
You got five years' receipts, motherfucker?
And the strip club ain't no home office!
That's a red flag, nigga!
James: Hey, hey, hey! You big beanbag-build bitch!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, stop it! You all friends!
Right?
Now, jojo, you might be right.
A strip club isn't a home office.
You're askin' to be audited, son.
But is being right more important than friendship?
Huh?
Take it from me. I lost my black friend.
Don't lose yours.
Hug.
Hug, motherfuckas!
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, man. I'll love you forever.
Hey, bro, you know, it's just talk.
Say, cuz, you ready to get put on the hood?
I'm rollin'.
[ Cheering ]
♪ Bow down ♪
♪ when I'm westward bound ♪
♪ bow down ♪
Mayo...
I need you to sink your mind into this, cuz.
Once you step through this threshold,
motherfuckers are ready to kill for you.
I mean a whole fraternity of motherfuckers
gonna have your back.
But there's only one way outta this.
That's when your casket drops into the ground.
So from this day forward,
you have eternal protection
until your eternal demise.
We dead-ass serious about what we do.
And if you go through that threshold
and you make it back,
we gonna be dead-ass serious about you.
Time to smoke some fools.
Crenshaw kings for life, motherfucker.
Hmm. Almost.
Let's roll.
Hey.
You come back safe.
I will, shonda.
[ Gasps ]
Man: We gotta go, Mayo.
Bye, baby.
Russell: Let's roll, cuz.
[ All yell ]
Ho! Hold up!
Oh, shit! Wait, wait, wait!
Oh, wait, wait, wait! Hey!
It's Darnell! It's Darnell!
What the fuck are you doin' here?
Shit, cousin! Man, tell 'em to put their guns down!
Man, put 'em up.
[ Sighs ] God!
What is your problem, man? What are you doin'?
Man, give us a second.
I'm bloodin' in.
Crenshaw kings are gonna protect me on the inside.
So you're gonna go and kill somebody, James?
Have you lost your fucking mind?
I have to. I don't have a choice. That is not true.
I came here to tell you... we can clear your name, James.
But you gotta trust me, man.
We gotta roll, Mayo.
"Mayo"? Who... who the fuck is Mayo?
I'm Mayo. It's my gang name.
It's short for "mayonnaise," on account of my skin color.
I came up with that.
Okay, you wanna go, then? What?
You wanna go? What are you doing?
What are you doing? Putting fingerprints all on your gun.
That way, if you go to jail, I'm goin' to jail wit' you.
So before you go out there and make a stupid-ass decision,
why don't you think about that?
Yeah. There you go.
That's... that's it?
My fingerprints are off that easy?
Yeah, pretty much. Good as new.
Let's roll, Mayo.
James, you got a choice right now.
You got the right path, you got the wrong path.
Make the right decision, James.
Follow your heart, man.
James, you gotta trust me on this one.
Oh, my God! I almost did it!
I almost killed a man!
And I was gonna use this gun.
Hey, James, put that away, man!
Stop! [ Panting ]
What is your problem?
I don't know.
They just... they were just encouraging me,
and they were high-fiving me.
They're passing me this sticky icky.
And between the pot and the hos...
It was just an ambrosia of primal sensations.
And for one brief moment, I knew what my purpose was.
Okay, okay. Not to mention Russell.
He's so charismatic. Real natural leader.
Reminds me of a young Ronald Reagan.
Hey.
Thank you for coming back for me.
Thanks for not doin' nothin' stupid, man.
Let's get out of here.
[ Engine turns over ]
All right, so listen to this.
I figured out that the residue on Martin's car was saltwater.
Then I remembered the mileage.
Reason being, I used to take a picture
of the odometer all the time
to keep people from accusing me of joyridin'.
People do that? That's awful.
Yeah, you did it like three times.
You tried to get me fired,
but you thought my name was Andre.
Anyway, look: Martin used to drive
the same exact seven Miles every day.
But last week, he started driving 56 Miles every day.
56!
So, what I did was, I checked the map.
Turns out that's the exact distance
of a round trip to San Pedro.
Saltwater, ocean, San Pedro.
I just gotta figure out why he's going to San Pedro.
That's the only thing I don't know.
His yacht.
It's docked at the port.
Fucker's got a yacht? Mm-hmm.
And an island in Cape Verde,
where there are no extradition laws.
Fucker's got a yacht and a island, James?
Fucking working for a villain in a James Bond movie!
He's gonna make a run for it.
Not if Mayo can stop him.
Mayo and chocolat.
"Chocolat"? Chocolat.
Is that... is that supposed to be my nickname?
That's your nickname.
I'll do better. We have the whole car ride.
Mayo and... Coffee.
Mayo and fudge.
I don't want one. Just call me Darnell.
Hit it, fudge!
[ Indistinct conversations ]
There it is. There's his boat.
The sea note.
The sea note? What a dick.
Come on.
Get down, James. You gotta get down.
Are those guards?
I think so. There's a lot of 'em.
Yeah. Oh, there's the computer.
I see it.
James, you gotta get low!
[ Engine turns over ]
Oh, no. They're gettin' ready to leave.
Shit. We gotta jump.
All right.
What are you... get off my hand!
Sorry, I'm nervous. Let's go!
Aah! Ohh.
Darnell! I made it!
Ohh!
[ Both grunting ]
Let go of my face!
That's all you, James.
All you, James!
[ Both yell ]
Okay. Come on, this way.
Ah! There it is. Come on.
Let's go. Let's go.
Oh, shit!
Get off! Get off!
[ Grunts ] Get off!
Damn it.
This is the end, guys.
You going down.
That's great.
I spend my whole life in crenshaw,
and now I'm about to get killed
by some white guy from Beverly hills?
On a yacht!
I'm so sorry.
Hand over the computer, James.
Come on. Just can't get it through your head, hmm?
Guys like you will always be the fall guy 'cause you're weak.
[ Mystical music plays ]
Are you... are you okay?
James? James?
[ Echoing ] No. James, please. Goddamn, James.
Please, please, James.
I sentence you to ten years in a maximum security prison.
You about to get this:
Oh, they be fuckin' in San Quentin.
John Mayer in this house?
Mouth full of balls.
Come back, Mayo. Take it all.
When life puts a dick in your mouth,
you make dickade.
Go suck a dick.
Your Capoeira's strong!
Now you must bring your power into the world.
What? James. What are you doin'?
I've been pushed around for too long.
Now it is time. I can feel it.
Time for what, James?
Protect the computer! Oh, shit!
I don't want the computer!
Bencao kick! What?
Ataque!
[ Screaming ]
Oh, God!
Leave me alone! Stop! No!
James! James!
[ Screams ]
Tudo bem!
[ Sighs ]
All right, get down there. Come on.
Tudo bem!
Axé!
Mayo and chocolat, motherfuckers!
[ Yells ]
James, you mean to tell me
you could do this shit the whole time?
Capoeira must never be used unless Capoeira is required.
Let's go.
Motherfuckers!
[ Yells ] Okay! Okay!
Beleza!
Come here!
That's what we do!
Mother... get off!
James.
Do like we used to do in the yard.
[ Grunts ] Yeah!
You got it, James. Fuck yeah, James.
Get his ass, James.
[ Screams ]
God.
I got the computer.
Lifeboat. Come on. All right.
Hey, that Capoeira shit was amazing.
But you learned some-a that shit from me too.
Right, James? What's goin' on here?
What the hell did you do to my boat?
Man, fuck this boat!
We taking the evidence that you framed
your son-in-law with, you sick son of a bitch.
How could you do this to me, Martin?
Ten years in prison?!
James, you realize
that I didn't mean to hurt you.
I'm very fond of you,
but himalayan tiger tanked
and I had to get the money from somewhere.
I had no choice. It was you or me.
That sounds like a choice!
James, fuck him. We're leaving.
And next time you wanna store some fraud shit, get an iPad.
Come on, James.
Oh, my damn.
Alissa. James!
Daddy, what's he doing here?
It's fine, honey.
Uh, James.
I have a wonderful idea.
Why don't you come with us.
We'll start a whole new life in Cape Verde,
and nobody has to go to prison.
Don't you want...
[ Seductively ] A big, big island?
Were you in on this?
No, not at first.
And when he told me about it,
I was really mad at him.
But then he explained how he was
able to hide most of the money, so, really,
there's no harm done.
James, now, there's still time
to get everything you want.
Everything.
No!
I don't want any of it.
And you got a white girl's ass.
[ Gasps ]
Thattaboy.
Hey, James, do you wanna switch off, man?
I got nothin' left up top.
Quick, throw it in the zodiac.
Right. Then we can get the fuck outta here.
[ Gunshot ] Shit!
Goddamn it!
I am genuinely sorry it had to end this way.
When we clear the breakwater, shoot 'em.
You ain't got to do this, man.
You ain't got to do this.
James: Well, dad,
looks like you thought of everything, didn't you?
You were always one step ahead of me.
Except you forgot one little detail.
[ Grunts ] [ Gun cocks ]
Where'd that come from?
First rule in prison pat-downs:
Always check the anus.
Someone learned how to keister.
Ew.
That's right.
Nuts and butts.
You point? Okay. That's how you wanna do it?
You point at him. I'll point at Martin.
Either way. So if I die, Martin's goin'.
So you figure it out. Shoot me, Martin gets shot.
You're gonna... ball's in your court, Gayle.
Alissa? Huh? Shoot her.
Sh-shoot her. You need to shoot that bitch anyway.
You're not gonna shoot me.
You're wasting time.
Police'll be here any second. That's right.
We're talkin' the real police.
The ones that's gonna come here on boats...
Uh-huh. With sirens on 'em...
That's got dogs that can swim.
Let me tell you somethin' about swimmin' dogs.
Now, let me tell ya, you're gonna bullshit a bullshitter,
just make the bullshit plausible.
[ Siren chirps ] Man: This is the U.S. Marshall service.
Prepare to be boarded. You are carrying a fugitive.
Yes!
[ Chuckles ] Hell yeah.
Oh, shit.
How?
Remember this bracelet
that crooked lawyer of yours gave me?
By my calculation we should be well outside the county line.
Prison school's in session, bitch.
And somebody just graduated.
That's perfect. That's perfect.
That's great, right? Yeah.
Attention, sea note.
This is the U.S. marshal service.
Where you goin'? Yeah, where you goin?
Huh, Martin? What?! Look at you, man!
I know. God, look at you!
Where did you put... that was in your ass.
Yep. That was in your ass.
James: The computer proved I was innocent.
Martin was arrested for fraud, tampering with evidence,
and obstruction of justice.
And I will be contacting my attorney. Daddy?
As for me, I was cleared of all charges
related to the embezzlement.
So I guess we did it.
Mayo and chocolate.
[ Chuckles ]
Thank God we won't be needin' this anymore.
This illegal, unlicensed gun.
Okay, James. You know, you should really get rid of that thing.
Man: Gun! Man #2: Drop it!
Oh, shit. Uh...
I did end up getting six months
for carrying an unlicensed weapon.
[ Buzzer ]
But, thanks to Darnell, I was ready.
Martin didn't do as well.
But he learned a valuable lesson, too.
They be fuckin' in San Quentin.
How ya doin'?
A whole lotta fuckin'.
Hey! Open up. Open up.
♪ Bubble butt ♪
♪ bubble, bubble, bubble butt ♪
♪ bubble butt ♪
shonda visited me every day.
I never thought prison would be the place
I learned to love again...
But that's what happened.
No, no, no! Wait!
She's not done. She hasn't finished yet.
No, it's not what you think. We're in love. Yeah. I know. Stand up.
I helped the FBI find and return all the assets Martin stole.
In return, they unfroze my bank accounts,
and I knew just where to invest my money.
[ Upbeat music plays ]
♪ Come on, come on ♪
♪ that's just the way it is ♪
it's good? It's good, right?
♪ Things will never be the same ♪
Makayla, you proud of daddy?
Daddy did good? Gimme a hug.
♪ That's just the way it is ♪
♪ oh, yeah ♪
daddy, I like your car wash.
I'm glad you like it, sweetie.
♪ That's just the way it is ♪
♪ things will never be the same ♪
♪ that's just the way it is ♪
♪ oh, yeah ♪
♪ you gotta make a change ♪
♪ it's time for us as a people to start making some change ♪
I see you survived. I guess you got hard, Mayo.
No. You made me hard.
Come here, man. [ Laughs ]
You made me hard.
So hard.
[ Voice breaking ] You got me so hard.
I'm happy to see you too, big fella.
I'm happy to see you.
There was a moment when I stopped being hard...
But I thought of you, and it got me hard again.
[ Cries ] And I can't ever thank you.
All right.
Welcome home, man.
Come on, let's get in the car.
You look good, James.
♪ Come on, come on ♪
♪ that's just the way it is ♪
welcome back to the free world, James.
How you wanna celebrate?
You know what I'd like to get my hands on?
A wall street journal and a 40.
Now that'd be a perfect Sunday morning.
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ some things will never change ♪
♪ I go hard ♪
♪ seen you running down the electric boulevard ♪
♪ get up out of my biz before the problem starts ♪
♪ if you want to act tough, then meet me in the yard ♪
♪ 'cause I go hard ♪
[ indistinct rapping ]
♪ Gotta angry mob at your front door ♪
♪ commandin' 360 o's at the condo ♪
♪ put all the jewelry in the back with the bankroll ♪
♪ or else your momma gon' be mourning like Alonzo ♪
[ rapping continues ]
♪ I go hard ♪
♪ seen you running down the electric boulevard ♪
♪ get up put of my biz before the problem starts ♪
♪ if you want to act tough, then meet me in the yard ♪
♪ 'cause I go hard ♪
[ indistinct rapping ]
♪ What you think about it now? ♪
♪ never mind, don't want to talk about it ♪
♪ never spit when I look in the eyes of a man ♪
♪ and your words are as good as the lies of a man ♪
♪ now, would you pardon me? ♪
[ indistinct rapping ]
♪ I go hard ♪
♪ seen you running down the electric boulevard ♪
♪ get up out of biz before the problem starts ♪
♪ if you want to act tough, then meet me in the yard ♪
♪ 'cause I go hard ♪
♪ 'cause I go hard ♪♪
[ mid-tempo rock music plays ]
[ Cell door slams ]